Unsent Letters.

Dear Roni,

My year sucked! But so did our Mum’s. Actually hers was much worse. πŸ˜”

But today, right now it’s just a few minutes until the New Year and I guess I… wanted to talk to you for a bit.

I’m sick. This is going to be the second birthday that finds me sick ever since I turned nine! I didn’t have much planned but I hoped I’d at least prepare a nice meal for Mum and I. Which I’m not going to be able to do. 😭

This year has been one problem after another and I guess this is just the icing on this piece of garbage that 2019 has been.

Did you know that sometimes when I look up at the night sky on a starry night I smile and imagine you’re one of those little twinkle beings up there looking down on us? It’s a silly notion, I know. But it gives me comfort to think that you’re up there, happy and shining brightly!

I don’t think 2020 is going to be any better a year than this was but I’m just a pessimist.

Thank you, for always listening and reading my letters! I hope one day I get to join you up there. 😊

But for now, watch over Mum for me, will you?

I love you!

Forever Always,

Your little Sister! ❀️

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Happy New Year!

  • As you probably know by now, 2019 sucked for me! I’ve never felt so helpless and worthless at the same time! But here we are at the last day of this year and I want to thank a few people who got me through this year let alone this decade.
  • Tifa, the English language lacks the requisite words to express my gratitude towards you! Thank you for being there and being my sounding board! I love you! ❀️
  • Edly, you’re awful at keeping promises and terrible at communicating but you have a good heart besides all that. Even though you never quite know the right words to say to me when I’m feeling down, I know in your heart that you love me. And that is all that matters! πŸ–€
  • Idiot, yes I do call you that a lot and often times you deserve it. Thank you for listening to me ramble all these years. I mean you’re terrible at keeping promises and appointments but you’re a pretty good listener! πŸ’•
  • Cathbert, you have had to put up with me for so long. I still don’t understand why you do it. But whichever the reason, thank you! 😌
  • Techie, we haven’t known each other for long but so far you’ve been amazing! πŸ’™
  • Suvin, I’m not usually a fan of befriending people younger than I am but I guess you were the exception. Thank you for your support. πŸ’›
  • To all of you and the several others that I haven’t mentioned, thank you for giving me the strength to hold on when I thought all Hope was lost.
  • May this new year treat you with kindness and may you accomplish all that you set out to do!
  • Happy New Year!
  • With Love,
  • Yours Truly! ❀️
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    Goodbye 2019! You’ve been an awful end to an awful decade!

    So, let’s see my highlights of this decade:

    – Joined University but dropped out because of health issues.

    -Speaking of Health issues… was diagnosed with hypertension, Severe Clinical Depression and of course the icing on this cake, Angina all in less than four years.

    – I developed migraines and backache which was previously mild worsened.

    – I β€œunfriended” all my β€œfriends” because I realized they were just self absorbed jerks.

    – I went to therapy for half the decade and was mostly operating in zombie mode during that time.

    – Mum got sick! πŸ˜”

    Now, on the less pessimistic side:

    – I became a certified counselor.

    – My Sister had a baby! A month ago. 🀱🏾

    – Tifa is soon having one too! πŸ€—

    – I’ve been off antidepressants for 3 years. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.

    – I learnt how to sew and having being self taught, it’s still a work in progress. ☺️

    So long, 2019!

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    New Year’s Eve Eve!

    Hello beautiful beings!

    Today is 30th December 2019 which means we now have only one day left to bid this decade adieu!

    And… I’m in bed, sick! πŸ€’ It sucks, I know! But for the healthy ones out there, make memories, go crazy, take a risk, check in on your friends who are struggling! Make the most of these two days and then get ready to shed this skin and enter 2020 an improved version of yourself!

    And for those like me who are stuck in bed for one reason or another, keep fighting and may the coming decade treat us better than this one has! ❀️

    Stay strong, have fun and more importantly, stay safe!

    Yours Truly! 😌

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    I’m sick! πŸ€’πŸ€•

    My Birthday is in a couple of days and I’m sick! πŸ˜’ No, not my usual migraines or backache or Angina… fever shivering sickness! πŸ˜–

    The shivers went down a few hours ago which is why I’m even able to type but damn, for a second yesterday, I thought I was a goner! I’m currently on treatment so I should be fine in a few days.

    I guess I know how I’ll be spending my Birthday! 🀧

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    Christmas!

    I’m not a big fan of Christmas or the Festive Season in general. I haven’t been for about a decade now. I don’t like the hype neither do I like the need to live up to it even when it’s not within your means. “It’s baby Jesus’ birthday! πŸ€—” So what?

    But that’s me. The rest of my Family and Friends observe and celebrate Christmas so I usually end up “celebrating” too.

    However, these past three Christmases have been different because Mum got sick. She’s celebrated Christmas all her life which included going to night Christmas Mass on Christmas Eve. But 2017 was different. She wasn’t feeling so good so she said she’d go the following week for the End of Year Mass (like she always did). The day came, she prepared and was ready for Church. Well, spiritually anyway. That night of December 31st 2017, Mum failed to go to Church because her body wouldn’t let her. πŸ˜”

    So that was when everything changed. For the first time in my life, Mum celebrated my Birthday (January 1st) from her bed! πŸ₯Ί She hasn’t left that bed since.

    So even though I hate the Holidays, my feelings towards them didn’t matter anymore. What mattered was seeing her happy despite missing her night Mass or any Mass at all. She prays from TV when it airs live Mass on Christmas and New Year’s Day. And that’s what she did this year.

    I prepared good food for her and she enjoyed it! 😌 And we chatted a little but then I had to go and rest as I hadn’t gotten any rest the previous night. I know it’s not the same as the old Christmases but that’s got to suffice for now. At least until she gets better and back on her feet. Whenever that is. πŸ˜•

    That was our Christmas, how was yours?

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    True Friendship.

    This will be a long one so please bear with me.

    I’ve had and lost many friendships over the years. Friends that called themselves my besties and all that bull. But today is about one particular friend. Let’s call her Tifa!

    I’m not really exactly sure when it was we became friends but I believe it was when we became seatmates in Primary Four. We remained seatmates up to Primary Six when I briefly changed schools. I eventually returned to my former school for Primary Seven but Tifa and I were put in different streams so bye bye seatmate! πŸ˜•

    We stayed friends but it wasn’t the same because now I had no one to ditch Religious Education classes and sit in the school playground telling each other outrageous lies about our respective household items with. πŸ˜”

    I also didn’t have anyone to ditch Music class with so I’d go alone and get bored. πŸ˜‘ We’d sometimes meet and chat during breaks but being in a candidate class, there really wasn’t much time for chitchat.

    Time for Secondary School applications came and we got to sit next to each other in the school hall one last time. We both agreed we’d apply to only Girls’ (single sex) schools for secondary because over the seven years of Primary, we were fed up of studying with boys. πŸ˜‚ Our respective Parents were present that day to help us select good schools (even though they didn’t know the reason behind our choices). We applied to almost the same four schools with one exception! Our first choice schools differed.

    Three months later I’m admitted to a good school and I’m reporting (2 weeks late) for my first term in Boarding School and guess who’s at that same school! πŸ€—

    I was placed in a different stream from hers but you have no idea how relieved I was to see a not only familiar but also friendly face in a sea of new people! πŸ˜… Tifa and I slept in different dormitories in our first year’s first term. Oh, did I mention that we both had ended up in a Mixed (Girls and Boys) School? πŸ˜–

    In our second term, there was a little change up in the school sleeping arrangements and we ended up in the same dormitory! Even though we didn’t attend classes together, we got to hangout after classes and converse until late in the night (after evening Prep) while everyone else was already asleep! πŸ˜€

    Fast forward to Year two of our O’ Level and we were placed in the same stream this time round! We both retained our seatmates from the previous year though and remained with those same seatmates till we completed our O’ Level.

    In our Senior Four right before our finals, we were sad about being separated again and both knew the coincidence of ending up in the same school for A’ Level was not going to happen. So we made a pact. That we’d meet up in 10 years and we’d catch up. 😌 But we didn’t have to wait 10 years to see each other again because we went to the same Church and the same Mass. We’d chat for a minute or two after Mass and go our separate ways before it got dark (It was evening mass).

    But as time went by, we stopped meeting because I’d miss going and when I went, she’d miss… And no, we had no phones to call or text each other like kids these days. Eventually, we totally lost contact but that was ok because I still knew somehow, we’d fulfill our pact.

    A few years later… when Tifa was done with University, she managed to get my phone number (we were now old enough to have phones πŸ™„) and she called me! πŸ’ƒπŸΎ Excitement doesn’t even begin to describe what I was feeling when I finally heard from her again. We made plans to meet up and we did!

    That’s the thing about true friendship. You can lose touch for years but the moment you meet again, it’ll be like you never lost touch at all! Seamless conversations, no awkwardness… none of that! Anyway, that was four years ago. Two years before the time we had planned to meet again back on O’ Level.

    We lose touch every now and again (she loses her phones a lot) but she always finds me again! ☺️

    Tifa is happily married now and is expecting her first child! πŸ€— Gosh! I’m old! πŸ˜³πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ

    I wrote this blog for Tifa. I tell her often but I want her to know that she means the world to me and that I truly appreciate her sticking around all these years! Many “friends” left but you never did and for that, I thank you!

    Forgive me for any times I may not have been there for you for some reason and if something I’ve ever said has hurt you and you stayed silent about it. πŸ™πŸΎ

    You’re going to make an amazing Mum because you’ve already got the patience part nailed and that child is going to be the luckiest kid in the world because they get to have you for a Mum! 😊

    I love you Tifa, never EVER forget that! ❀️

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