This was the last sentence in a Novel based on a very heartbreaking real life story or rather tragedy. Recently, I watched the movie (based on said Novel) again and it was as beautiful as it was gut wrenching the first time I watched it.
You may wonder why I’m writing about this. Timothy Conigrave believed in heaven or at least an afterlife where he’d reunite with the one he loved when he passed. I don’t believe in much really. But I’d like to think that the people we lose aren’t just gone forever, right? They have to be somewhere. A more peaceful place. A place without any pain.
Or perhaps that’s what I tell myself to hide from the fact that once someone is dead, they’re gone for good and simply live on in our memories.
If there is a peaceful place beyond this plane of existence where there’s no pain or anguish or suffering, I’d like to visit it. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.
What happens when it all stops?
Is there an afterlife or is it eternal nothingness?
Either way, I don’t care. Anywhere is better than here. As I mentioned before, I suffer from Angina and Migraines among many other conditions. Lately, I’ve been in a lot of pain. I don’t like to talk about it or even show it (what’s the point?) so I guess that’s why I’m writing it here. Because I know nobody will ever read it.
I’ve been suicidal on and off for about a decade and for the past few months… saying I’ve been hanging on by a thread would be a stretch. I’m tired of the pain. I’m tired of feeling helpless and I’m most especially tired of being a burden to those around me.
If by someone coincidence you’re reading this, don’t feel sad or pity. I don’t need your pity! And if you know me personally, think about the good memories and don’t be sad.
So… if there is an afterlife; Ci vedremo lassù and if the isn’t, it’s been a ride! ✌🏾